Zombiepocalypse Arsenal

Zombiepocalypse Arsenal

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what my arsenal will comprise of when the Zombiepocalypse comes. You will notice I used “when“, not “if“, and that is because I firmly believe it will occur… under one caveat, and that is in the definition of a zombie. This is what Websters defines as a zombie, the first being the quintessential image we’ve all been force-fed by movies, novels, comic books and games. These are the rancid, jaws hanging from a few strands of tissue, moaning, groaning, barely able to match the pace of a geriatric using a lawn chair as a walker, types of zombies. While I love hacking them in games, and watching them swarm hapless victims in movies and comic books, I do not believe they will be the focus of the upcoming Zombiepocalypse. Why? Because they don’t exist. Sweet Jesus, do I really have to go any further than that? Probably not, so let’s move on. I also don’t believe that we’ll be attacked by West Indian and Brazilian snake gods, however interesting that may be. I’ve been attacked by Zombie drinks, though only the morning after… and I doubt we have to worry about any Canadians in the Zombiepocalypse. Which brings us to Websters’ second definition… the heart of the Zombiepocalypse. I am referring specifically to 2a, as I’m really not worried about a swarm of eccentric people… we may as well get attacked by those Canadians. (Irony: I’m Canadian.) “A person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automation.” Thems your zombies, folks. The real kind. Nowhere does it define...